My First Few Days in Southampton...

Let's begin this adventure on the night of Wednesday, 16th September.  I was lying in bed, unable to sleep, anticipating the day ahead.  I was moving out of London- my home for the very first time, and I would be completely on my own.  In all honesty, the reality still hadn't quite set in;  I was still picturing it as an idea.  Staring around my bedroom, my whole life packed into a suitcase and numerous bags for life, I still couldn't accept that it was really happening.  I would be venturing out of West London and into something new- and terrifying!

It appears I have a hoarding problem...

On the morning of the 17th September, I remember hearing my alarm go off at 6am- I can't quite remember falling asleep but it was evident that I had- After having showered, got dressed, put my face on, and endured my mother crying in the kitchen- it still hadn't sunk in!!  I still couldn't believe it was really happening.  There I was, double and triple-checking I had everything I could possibly need, but I still didn't believe it was happening.  I felt like I would be going out for a few hours and coming home in the evening.

When my closest friend and her family finally arrived to help me load everything into the car, and begin the journey to this brand new town; I said goodbye to my mum as nonchalantly as I could, and got into the car I still felt like we were heading for a day trip out- denial is a powerful thing!  My best friend and I spent the entire car journey just chatting away about music and films.  Although I was starting to accept that this could very much be real- and that I'm not dreaming, I continued to push my thoughts about Southampton and the reality that I was about to move there to the very back of my mind.

It was only until later that night, after having spent a lovely day with my closest friend and said goodbye to her that I realised this was real, and I was on my own!  That was definitely a horrific moment and a number of tearful panic-fuelled phone calls to friends and family ensued!  

As  soon as I opened my eyes on Friday the 18th September, I burst into tears.  I had woken up thinking I was in my own bed at home.  The truth of the matter was that I was devastated!  I just felt like the world was crumbling- as dramatic as that sounds the homesickness felt unbearable and I couldn't stand to be off the phone with a close acquaintance for longer than about twenty minutes before I was dialling my best friend's number again.  I was  struggling to get used to my surroundings and accept that I was not in London.  This was not London, this was not my home and I just to accept that.  However, upon walking past the train station the temptation to just buy a ticket and go home was unreal!  The amount of self-control that took- let me tell you... 

Saturday 19th September; I can't do this anymore.  I'm going home.  But before I do, I'm going to take a walk and try to clear my head. 

Water can be so calming...

Then there's the sea- as soon as I saw this beautiful view; and the clear blue-green of the waters, I felt this thing called perspective begin rear its head into my sanity filter.  The reality of the situation is that this experience is going to be what I make it.  I am in an extremely privileged position where I have been presented with an opportunity to study and obtain a degree in a subject I am passionate about- how many people have that?  I was accepted onto a competitive degree course because lucky for me, someone could see some potential in me- something I struggle to see in myself most days.  The truth is, I really need to grab on to this opportunity and use it to grow as a person.  Yes, this is not London and this town is going to take some getting used to- but time is a truly magical thing!  It can heal almost any wound and allow an individual to adjust to almost anything.  Yes, I'm struggling with the social aspect, and yes, it's easy to doubt yourself but I need to give myself a chance.  I need to focus on all the positives which definitely outweigh the negatives and focus on all the fantastic opportunities that have been laid out before me. I'm determined to put everything into my work this year and make it count!  As we all know, you can't just pick up a make-up brush and expect to be Pat McGrath- it takes hard work, dedication, time and practise practise practise!  Slash didn't just pick up a guitar one day and become SLASH; Trent Reznor poured every ounce of emotion into the work of art that is the album : The Downward Spiral and JK Rowling did not write Harry Potter in one night.  Dedication is key!  Time to push myself and be the very best I can be.  The only true tragedy would be not to reach my full potential- whatever that may be!  Here's to an exciting year ahead!